I'm not Paranoid
by Sesshomaru-Sara
Summary: Remember? Don't you remember, Ni san? When I used to be happy? I'm not like that anymore...[ItaSasu Uchihacest MM ShounenAi language Sasuke POV Oneshot]


I don't love you.

I don't, I don't, I DON'T.

Shut the fuck up.

I'm not in denial.

The first time you came around, it was spring, I was scared. Scared you were going to get me in my sleep. Scared you were going to put a black bag over my head.

Scared of so many possible things.

So I hid away from you. But your eyes always stalked me.

The second time was in the summer. I swear I was hallucinating. The heat does things to me. So I blew you off like dirt.

The third time was in the fall. I was outside for some reason, and you were there. Watching me. Stop.

It's winter now, and I'm afraid you'll kill me. It's been a whole year, and you've not once come up to me and said anything.

Are you the one who's afraid?

I walked down the alley. It was a great shortcut, and even though it was dark and dirty, I liked it. And I was almost there, too!

But then you showed up.

Even now, you are still tall enough to scare me with your unconscious looming. Then again,

Everything about you scares me.

I'm just a child. You shouldn't expect greater.

My obsidian eyes met yours in a mirror reflection. And I couldn't seem to comprehend why you were there anyway. You remained silent, and I felt like screaming.

Your eyes. Your eyes.

Get them off me.

I didn't have time to say anything. Your dark-clothed arms spread like a crows wings, and I knew I was dead.

I can't stop you, no matter what I say or do. You're always watching over me. You've always got me in your tight fisted grip.

I'm trapped.

The snow was in my eyes, and I realize:

Oh shit, hell's frozen over.

That means Itachi would be...Ah, I don't even want to describe his inversion.

"Little brother," he called out, and I immediately hid my face. Don't want to see, don't want to SEE!

"Get up, you fool, it's snowing."

I looked up hesitantly to see the snow surrounding me. I dropped down, flat on my stomach, and used his Akatsuki cloak to hide myself...

When did I get this?

"Get up," he repeated. I quickly shook my head, burying myself in the coat, dissolving and getting lost in the dark cloth. Anything to get away.

It smelled like him. There isn't a way to describe it. It isn't girly, and it isn't musky. It's Itachi Ni-san, that's what it is.

I felt him pulling on me, and I removed myself from his grasp as fast as I could.

I don't love you.

He practically ripped it off me, and I held on tight. I didn't want his smell to go.

I don't love you!

He gave up the fight and threw me down with a heavy sigh. Unknowingly to him, I had grabbed his partially fish netted shirt, dragging him down with me. He clumsily fell against me, his strong hands on either side of my head keeping his balance. I looked up at him with big coal eyes, and his of crimson.

Those eyes.

I tightly squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't want to go to that world again. Where all the people die, the clouds are black, and the sky is blood. Where I've been killed mentally hundreds of times. Where my love is hidden.

I don't want to go to that world.

"Sasuke," he whispered, "It's okay."

I shook my head. Nothing is okay in my life.

"Look. It's gone." I lifted an eyelid to look up at the ebony pupils staring down at me. I was still so timid. I can't forget what you've done.

Hesitantly, I opened both eyes to him. I was so relieved, but I still had to keep my guard up.

Remember? I hate you.

"Sasuke..." he whispered huskily. I was taken aback when he kissed me, but I had endured it before. Just a few times before, when I was just a little boy and I didn't know any better. When he would leave, I would give him a kiss goodbye on the cheek. When I grew older, I gave him kisses on the lips. The transition scared our parents, and it was so funny to watch them freak out when it lasted more than 2 seconds.

I didn't realize I had started to cry until it was too late to hide it.

"Sasuke?" he questioned. I stared up at him, saying nothing.

I remember when I got sick; they would worry to the point where mother would cry. And I would always get out of bed to entertain her with a stupid little dance or cartwheels to show her I was just fine. And I remember when mother would bring home so many tomatoes for me, it overflowed the vegetable bin. She'd make me something special with those tomatoes when I got home from school, and I was always so happy. When they got rotten, we had tomato fights. It was kinda gross, but hell it was fun. Ni-san would always win, and I would always end up entirely red. And father would hose me down instead of getting me to take a bath.

The option isn't open anymore.

I can't ever have them back.

Thanks to the man above me.

I remember when I got nightmares, and I'd go to Itachi, crying. And he'd always welcome me into his warm bed and let me cry until I fell asleep. And mother and father would find us the next morning. They would take pictures, and send them around to relatives, and friends, and acquaintances, and the entire village of Konoha. I was so embarrassed, but Ni-san would always laugh at it. And I still see them today.

His mouth was on my ear now, and I shuttered, arching up toward him.

Stupid body.

I remember when he would get ready for a mission, and I would come up to him and say:

"Do you know how much I love you, Ni-san?"

And he would say:

"How much?"

And I would spread my arms high above my head, as far as I could too! And I would say:

"This much!"

I wonder where all that love went?

It couldn't have gone far, because it was slowly coming back to me. His hand was snaking up my loose shirt, and it was so warm in the snow. It was almost like the snow around us was melting.

I'm scared again.

What are you going to do to me?

"Ni-san..." I whispered in almost non-coherency. He stared at me with crimson, and I winced.

I hate that color.

I shivered. The snow wasn't melting; it was piling higher and higher. But he did nothing, staring down at me with those bloody eyes.

"What is it, little brother?" he questioned in a silky satin voice.

"...I can't forgive you...And I can't forget what you've done to me...Are you seducing me into thinking I can?"

He didn't answer me at first, and of course I grew suspicious.

"...I never asked for forgiveness, and I never asked you to forget. I'm not seducing anyone."

He had both hands in my shirt, a thumb hooked on my shorts. My eyes widened.

What are you doing to me?

"IT'S SNOWING!" I screamed it at him, and he slowly removed his appendages from me.

And silently, he helped me up like a gentleman would a fair lady, and smiled at me.

"Your talent of observation serves you well, little brother," he said. His hand was at my hip as we walked through the snow to the house which he had abandon years ago. Our home, where I have lived alone for 5 years. The loneliness has eaten me from the inside, and I can't bear to see you leave again. Your grip on me is tighter as we enter the house.

I love you.


End file.
